Snot - the best birthday present ever.

So, all joking aside. There has been some seriousness this week. While I think we have come along way in our mental battle with neuroblastoma, it is clear that there are some things that will stay with us forever. It seems like no matter what the ailment, even 7 years later, the first thing that comes to mind with Sydney is the fear that it could be the cancer coming back. This week has been no exception.

Syd's health turned for the worse on Monday. This was not all too surprising. It is allergy time for most at the Dungan household. So, runny noses, soar throats, and asthma related symptoms are frequent occurrences for everyone. Considering the fact that Sydney stayed up to nearly midnight at a birthday party on Saturday night, it was no surprise that she was a little run down. Combined with the allergies it a logical fit for her to be under the weather.

Rationally, it all makes sense.

However, it still does not take long for our (Lynley and I) brains to begin playing tricks on us. The fear comes and quickly you can turn what seems like a normal case of allergies into cancer.

It should not come as a surprise that I did not sleep well last night. What if this? What if that? What should we do? The mental debate raged on in my brain throughout the night.

The fact is that Sydney presented with some fairly standard stuff - a sore throat. There is no fever and her energy level seems high (unless she is trying to get out of doing something) Honestly, I can still make her lose her voice almost entirely simply by asking her to clean up the dishes after a meal.

However, as the days (3) have gone by, the "standardness" of her symptoms has worn off and I can't make sense of it. Clearly there is a recurring process going on in her body. It is almost like snot reflux. She will be fine for awhile(15 minutes). Then her voice will gradually become more and more hoarse. She refuses to clear her throat or cough because it hurts her chest. Eventually she looses the mental battle and must cough which, while it hurts, clears her throat and brings her back to normal. Over the next 15 minutes the whole process begins over again. She describes the pain as being in her esophagus and chest. She also says it seems as though something is stuck in there.

Of course, after her last set of scans where we found the mystery lesion on her breast plate the first thing I envision is a tumor growing there and putting pressure on her esophagus with lesions metastasized to her lungs.

Certainly that would explain it all.

It is amazing what the mind can come up with.

See how mental I am?

Regardless, I am hoping for a much improved day for her and all I really want for my birthday is for my baby girl to be better.

How I yearn for this to be just be a simple case of the snots. What a perfect birthday present that would be.

I just want my snotty purpose